Saturday, February 21, 2009
surpressed by all my childish fears
Did not know I'll still care. Caring is difficult but trying not to care is even more difficult. It's not prominent anyway, so it's okay, right?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
and all I do is remember
Why do things end up being so ugly? Reality's so daunting.
Should not have tried. Sometimes it's better not to try. I guess it's true that people are better off not knowing the truth. The truth hurts. I should have just kept it to myself. Should have just stayed in my own notional world. Was it even my fault in the first place that the notional place exists? As much as I hate blaming you, I think it was purely your fault. Things would not end up like this if you did not initiate anything at all.
If I were to know this is the answer, I would have shut you away. Would have ignored you. Would have treated you like how I treated others that I'm not interested in. What is it that I see in you? I'm not so sure myself. Until this very minute, this very second, I'm still curious. Was everything just a noise inside my head? Rejection is painful because the first cut is the deepest but I think I do realize why it's not only pain I'm feeling. I'm bewildered, sad, sick, pissed, frustrated, irritated and I don't know what else I should use to describe the thing that I'm going through. Sucks to be me, hypothetically. This phase, it's different. Maybe it's because I put too much time. Why did I put months? It's all fucked up, no?
I think I should be glad that we're finally not 'in touch' anymore. Bet this is the best way to get over you and also to hate you. Hating you is essential. By hating you, my feelings for you won't develop any further. That's a great thing, right? I'm already hating you, loathing you, detesting you. It'd be better if you did not do those things that you did months back. I'm pretty sure it was not a misunderstanding. If it was ever a misunderstanding, you would not have reciprocated in that way. If it was ever a misunderstanding, you would have told me in the face, right? You did not. You had to wait till I bring the whole issue up, then you had to hit me straight in the face like that? As silly as it sounds, I'm having difficulty getting back to my 'usual self'. So I'll start posting here whenever I feel shitty (which is like 70% of the day). Facades aren't that effective anymore. I don't think I'm that capable of putting up facades anymore. Phail. I'm truly sorry if people thinks I'm such an ass, I just can't help it.
Reason why facades are no longer effective is because every single fucking damn thing reminds me of you. Anything that has been our topic. Even if it's something minor, I can still remember.
This blog will be a place for my stupid and pointless whining.
It's 19th of February today. Let's see when I'll stop posting. The moment I stop posting, it means that I've got over you.
Should not have tried. Sometimes it's better not to try. I guess it's true that people are better off not knowing the truth. The truth hurts. I should have just kept it to myself. Should have just stayed in my own notional world. Was it even my fault in the first place that the notional place exists? As much as I hate blaming you, I think it was purely your fault. Things would not end up like this if you did not initiate anything at all.
If I were to know this is the answer, I would have shut you away. Would have ignored you. Would have treated you like how I treated others that I'm not interested in. What is it that I see in you? I'm not so sure myself. Until this very minute, this very second, I'm still curious. Was everything just a noise inside my head? Rejection is painful because the first cut is the deepest but I think I do realize why it's not only pain I'm feeling. I'm bewildered, sad, sick, pissed, frustrated, irritated and I don't know what else I should use to describe the thing that I'm going through. Sucks to be me, hypothetically. This phase, it's different. Maybe it's because I put too much time. Why did I put months? It's all fucked up, no?
I think I should be glad that we're finally not 'in touch' anymore. Bet this is the best way to get over you and also to hate you. Hating you is essential. By hating you, my feelings for you won't develop any further. That's a great thing, right? I'm already hating you, loathing you, detesting you. It'd be better if you did not do those things that you did months back. I'm pretty sure it was not a misunderstanding. If it was ever a misunderstanding, you would not have reciprocated in that way. If it was ever a misunderstanding, you would have told me in the face, right? You did not. You had to wait till I bring the whole issue up, then you had to hit me straight in the face like that? As silly as it sounds, I'm having difficulty getting back to my 'usual self'. So I'll start posting here whenever I feel shitty (which is like 70% of the day). Facades aren't that effective anymore. I don't think I'm that capable of putting up facades anymore. Phail. I'm truly sorry if people thinks I'm such an ass, I just can't help it.
Reason why facades are no longer effective is because every single fucking damn thing reminds me of you. Anything that has been our topic. Even if it's something minor, I can still remember.
This blog will be a place for my stupid and pointless whining.
It's 19th of February today. Let's see when I'll stop posting. The moment I stop posting, it means that I've got over you.
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